50%

So when you asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up everyone tells me I said a mom. 17 years later and I'm faced with something different. I got divorced and became a part time mom. I can't tell you enough how weird that is. It's not right to watch them go with their dad for a few days. It's not right to not know they are or aren't  sleeping soundly, to give them a kiss every morning and every night. I miss them all the time. I miss my family. Not like you think but the dynamic of them everyday. Having to share kids sucks. In every single way.
I made promises that I will keep forever. As long as they are safe. I will sit here without them. And enjoy the days I have them.

50/50 custody

I truly believe in this.
For whatever reasons your marriage doesn't work it is never because of your kids. If he is a good father or she is a good mother the kids should never have to chose.  Sharing your kids is hard, 50 50 custody is a pain in the ass, going back n forth, hearing both sides, dealing with new significant others. But those kids are an equal part of both of you they deserve the equality of both parents and to be loved wholely even tho their parents are apart. Never use kids as weapons or bargaining chips its not fair to them all they want is everyone to get along. They are dealing with heartache and confusion themselves. So even tho its not how you would do it, or your angry, hurt...the truth is you live different lives, you have different opinions,  but hey! guess what!  thats probably why your divorced in the first place. Don't take good parents away from their kids. Its the one thing your marriage produced that makes life worth it!
Try anyway!

Live life happy

Today I start a new path filled with positive thoughts and a work out routine.

Too much time has been lived in the past. Feeling now as if I am reprogramming my brain and teaching it something new.

So used to thinking that something is going to go wrong. In my life I learned that every time I admitted I was happy something would devastate my world. Whether it was personal sabotage, or betrayal, or even losing someone to God.

Its time to stop preparing for the bad, your never truly prepared anyway. Start noticing the smiles, the laughs, the days and days of happiness and realize its ok. You deserve this!! You are capable of everything and anything.

Someone told me recently that if you tell your mind what you want, and believe it to be so, you can have it.

So to the gym I go to kick my own ass so that my body can keep up with my mind.

Here's to all the women out there that started in one direction and are finding their new path. Sometimes its rocky and steep but worth it!!  Remember you are not alone, noone is judging you but you. Live life happy.

The walls we build

I've gone through a lot. I know what I want now and nothing will deter me off that path.
(That is what the strong side of me says. )
Finding yourself again later in life looking back on all your years you could have done better makes you want more!!
You no longer want to sort through the bullshit of life. You just want to keep living each day living happy. Because every time you cried was wasted. What do you have to show for your tears. Fear!! The fear of crying again. That you won't see the pain coming. That this time you might not get back up. When you've lost it all and you climb out of that dark hole you don't ever want to fall back down. So the walls start to build. Brick by brick with determination that they will not crumble.
But what happens when you've built that wall so strong that even when you think you can start to breathe you yourself can't get out. You've created this prison. You lose faith. You lose love. You lose happiness. You lose trust. Because its all there with you behind that big strong not gonna happen again wall.
You gotta set yourself free to move forward. You gotta take the wall down and leave it behind you. Could you get hurt yes, but what won't you see,feel, taste. You can live happy. You are allowed, it is ok !! And because of the strength and determination it took you to get to the here and now your one step ahead of the game because you know its in you.
So go. Make today great and tomorrow even better.

Monday mornings

     There are those people that bounce out of bed on monday ready to take on the world. . . and then theres me. I actually start to dread monday morning sunday night. I know, it's a waste to dread any day but for me monday mornings are cold and alone.